The concept of a restorative dialogue is favored when two people are involved in the problem and its resolution. This is the case of the restorative process involving two neighbors in conflict.
We talk of a Restorative Circle when more than two parties are involved. For instance, when in the situation above more neighbors were involved in the incident. Maybe the next-door neighbor had heard the argument in the hallway and for a moment had considered to call the police. The facilitator can also choose to invite Mika’s friend to the circle, since she was also involved in the incident. In essence, you can say a Restorative Dialogue is a form of Restorative Circle. Therefore, the course of action will be quite similar. We describe the steps below:
1. Once you (maybe you are a neighborhood social worker, neighborhood police, a social housing agent, a trained volunteer) as a facilitator have become aware of a conflict between neighbors, you start with your preliminary conversations with each of the parties separately. We call this the assessments.
The restorative questions form the central thread of this preparatory conversation. On one hand, the focus is on the facts and how they were experienced, and on the other hand, it is about jointly exploring possibilities for restoration. An assessment encourages self-reflection. This in itself can be restorative, but it primarily serves as preparation for the meeting. If there is any ambiguity or if it turns out that certain questions were not sufficiently answered, the moderator may decide to revisit the assessment.
The order of the assessments is not arbitrary, especially when there is a clear distinction between ‘perpetrator’ and ‘victim.’ Initially, we want to see whether the perpetrator is willing to take enough responsibility for the harm. Only when he or she takes responsibility is there a strong likelihood that a circle can be organized with the victim. We need to avoid putting the victim in a situation where they are confronted with an offender who hurts or victimizes them again by denying or minimizing the facts.
What remains essential is the question whether all parties recognize and/or are willing to take responsibility. As long as this is not the case, the individuals cannot be brought together for the actual restorative conversation. Further preparations or other measures need to be taken. The facilitator is constantly looking for openings. They leave no opportunity unused but always respect the voluntariness of all parties. This cannot be overlooked. Restoration is an opportunity for those involved, but also a free choice. Forcing participation never leads to sustainable solutions. That said, sometimes a little encouragement is needed. Initially, few individuals will immediately say ‘yes’ to a meeting with their ‘perpetrator’ or ‘victim.’ A good moderator knows how to break through these strategies of self-protection.
2. After the preparation is done and the process is made transparent to all parties involved, the actual restorative meeting can take place. For the facilitator it always looks more or less like this:
– Introduction: the moderator begins the conversation by welcoming everyone and thanking them for their presence. He continues by briefly describing the reason for the meeting and what they hope to achieve (restoring the damage/relationship, making agreements on how to move forward, etc.). He also mentions that he has spoken to everyone individually and that everyone has shown a willingness to contribute constructively to the restoration.
– Once the tone is set, several options are possible. A restorative dialogue will look different from a restorative group conversation. The group dynamics at play in the group require a considerable amount of discipline to ensure that all parties have an equal opportunity to speak. We use the same ground rules as for the proactive circle (see tool#3). The art of facilitating a restorative circle essentially consists of asking the ‘right’ question to the ‘right’ person at the ‘right’ time. This requires contemplation beforehand and some sensitivity in the moment.
– Who should speak first? Who should recount the facts? Or would it be better for me, as a neutral moderator, to do so myself? Should I let the victim express their emotions first? Or do I believe that a perpetrator explicitly acknowledging their role will have a stronger connecting effect? These are all choices that will influence the course of the circle conversation. In principle, the assessments provide enough information for the moderator to make this call. Eighty percent of the work is done during the preparation phase. Content-wise, the facilitator does little or nothing. He guides the process. He ensures that everyone can equally share their experience of the situation. He facilitates the connections between people, so that through the conversation, they move closer together. He can use various tools for this: asking to repeat what the other just said, looking in the direction of the person they want the participant to speak to, asking people to make eye contact during the conversation, reflecting on a previous bond/friendship/positive experience, allowing silences, etc.
– The restorative questions remain the moderator’s anchor. “Facts, feelings, responsibility, commitment, and expectations,” echoes in his mind like a mantra. If we manage to have an open-hearted dialogue based on these principles, restoration is bound to follow.
– At the end of the meeting, depending on the seriousness and scope of the situation, one may opt to create a restoration plan that is signed by all parties involved. Also, it is checked whether and how other members of the community will be informed of (the outcome of) the process. This can be important in broadening the support for the agreements made.
3. The final step in the process is the follow-up phase. The facilitator checks in with all parties involved to evaluate if things have worked out well for everyone and to see if everyone is complying with the agreements.
A practical case and a script for the facilitator are available for download.
